Wednesday, September 5, 2012

marriage advice

I was talking to another mom recently and our conversation has stuck with me for a while. She was explaining how her husband used to be her entire life. She was in that honeymoon stage of thier relationship where she lived and breath just for him. She wanted to spend every waking moment with him and hung on to every word he said. They were always out doing things together and having tons of fun. Plus they had TONS of that special 1 on 1 adult time. Now 4 boys later her husband just has to deal with the fact that he is second in her life. She is a mommy and the boys needs and wants come first. and he just has to deal with it!
I nodded my head and smiled. It wasn't the time or place and I didn't really know this lady well enough to feel like I should give her marrage advice. But this is my blog so I will put my two cents out there now, what I wanted to say to that mom.
this whole situation reminded me of an Oprah show I saw once (NO LAUGHING LISA:P) Oprah had a guest on named Ayelet Waldman who is a writer. Ayelet said on the show that she loved her husband more than her children. I remember the audience was in an uproar! they bashed her calling her a bad mom! I asked my mom what she thought and my mom said something I will never forget. Shew told me that "The whole reason those children exist is because of the love between a husband and a wife." Now I know this statement isn't always the case and things happen that make relationships fall apart. I am just wanting to express how I want my marriage to be. I have had amazing couples in my life to look up to and I have even had the honor of photographing a few of those couples

I recently herd the "old" song by Allen Jackson 'remember when' and couldn't help but think of my life. 
the part that always brings tears to my eyes is 
"Remember when we said when we turn gray and when the children grown up and move away we wont be sad we'll be glad for all the life we've had."
I know I have a long time untill my girls move away but like any parent will tell you time speeds up once your children are born. and the thought of them moving away and starting their own lives without us makes me sad but no matter how much I dont want this event to happen it will. That's life. My kids need me now but they will grow up. 
The only person that will be there is my husband.
The person I promised god I would spend the rest of my life with.

I never want him to feel second or to tell him to deal with it I am a mommy now!
The truth of the matter is our family would not survive without him! I would not be able to be the mommy I want to be without him. I need him. always.

So I wanted to do something little to say thank you for all the things he does for me and our family I  and kidnapped his car. I cleaned and cleaned it until it was spotless! and then bought an air freshener and stuck a love note in it. just something small but so important, because all day long he was telling me how much he appreciated it.
I don't have a list or order of who I love more. But i do think it is one of the most important jobs as mommy and daddy to teach my daughters what a marriage and love is supposed to be. I pray that someday they find someone just like their daddy and then my job will be done.....right once they get married I am done?! I will ask my mom if that's true.

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