Thursday, January 5, 2012

Baby book

That sweet little newborn smile is from The Julia! When she was born Brian and I had only been dating for a couple of months and I was not completely sure I wanted to take on everything that comes with being in a relationship with a man that just became a new father. I was terrified! The only thing I kept thinking was I am to young to step in and be a mommy. I haven't even had my own life yet. I will break up with him today, just walk away, be done, tell him I can't do it.

But every time I thought I was ready to say the words something would stop me. maybe it was his good looks. j/k I think it was the way he just reassured me that he was going to take care of Julia and I wasn't expected to do anything. Or maybe it was the way he was with Julia. He loved her completely and dropped everything to make sure she was happy. He fought so hard to give her the life she deserves. He knew if he didn't step up no one else would. and as much as I wanted to turn away, I just couldn't. right here in front of me is the man I always dreamed of. A loving kind funny guy but more importantly an amazing father! So I stayed. (best decision of my life!)

because of my back and forth about staying or going I don't have a lot of pictures of Julia when she was a baby. I regret that but at the time I didn't want any confusion about "who is that girl holding me?" questions if in fact me and Brian didn't work out. So I didn't record any facts about her first tooth or first words. Soon that confusion was all clear and I fully took on the rold of being Julia's mommy.

It is very important to me that my children know I love them all equally. I don't want them to ever think well so and so is her biological child so they got special treatment. So when Belle was born I felt like it was only fair that I didn't keep a baby book of her 'firsts' either. The only thing I am guilty of is taking more baby pictures of Belle. But in my defense the pictures of Julia are in the 1000's and I am not going to stop any time soon :)

A couple of months ago I read on one of my favorite Blogs by Ashley Ann.
She writes in a journal (one for each of her kids) about their life. how she feels, silly things they do or say. their talents and favorite things. her hopes and dreams for them. I loved this idea because I feel like those things are more important than the date of their first hair cut.

I have four books so far, Julia, Belle, new baby, and the last one is for the child we will adopt someday. I feel like when they move out of our house might not be the best time because they might think I'm just the crazy mom that can't let her kids go (which will probably be true) so I think I will save their books for when they each are expecting their first child. Then they might appreciate my feelings and stories more. So when their little ones come along they will know the joy their child brings to them is the same joy they brought to me.

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