Thursday, May 2, 2013

Mistresses & marriage

last night I was watching TV 
and a new show was being advertised. it really bothered me.
that was the title.
it said "you can't help who you fall in love with."
maybe I am being a stuck up goodie two shoes but why not show a loving strong faithful marriage?
because that's boring I guess.
And maybe this bothers me so much because I know first hand what Mistresses can do to a family. 
I watched as an outsider came and two people forever hurt many others because they were only thinking about themselves.
Time heals some of the pain and God takes care of the rest. 
I wanted to always remember how it happened and why so when I got married I would prevent it from happening to me.
My marriage is far from perfect.
But if I made a list of what was wrong with my marriage it would be a list full of what Brian does and does not do that he should change. and if he would only change those things then our marriage would be perfect.
My husband believes in God and prays with our family every night. I see him wanting to be a better person and serve God by helping those he can. He is a great man. But for his own reasons he doesn't practice going to church with us on Sundays. 
This recently really started worrying me. 
The man that cheated on his wife in my past never went to church with his family.
 and I was fearing that we were headed down that path I so very much wanted to avoid.
So I went on a mission to find out how I could change this and make him go to church.
I tried bribery:  go to church with us then we can get lunch afterwards.
making deals: you can have an extra boys night out if you go to church with us
guilt: it's really hard for me to pay attention when I have all three of the girls alone!
lecturing: the bible ask us to go to church on Sundays
and just being honest: it really means a lot to me that we go to church as a family
but he still hasn't fully committed to keeping the sabbath.
So I moved on to finding help.
 I picked up this book
it seemed perfect! a 40 day challenge to a better marriage!
I will have the perfect marriage in just 40 days, I can't wait!!!!
well HAHA
from the very first day challenge I found out I was the one that needed to change.
I am too critical and sometimes don't give him enough credit.
I get so busy with the kids and house work that I neglect him.
and that's not the way it should be.
I need to pray for him
listen to him
put him ahead of others
surprise him with little "I love you's"
remember what it was the made me fall in love with him
kiss him everyday
spend alone time with him more
tell him I am proud of him
support him
I finished the book and felt like our marriage was still not perfect but I don't have the fear of traveling down that road anymore.
He is my rock
and I am his.
After I finished the book I confessed and told him what I did 
he was really touched that I spent so much time working on us.
and reassured me that we are in this forever.
and we have been working on things to keep our marriage strong.

he still hasn't gone back to church,
but I continue to pray and trust that God is working in him and someday he will come back
I highly recommend this book for EVERY married couple! 
because marriage should the best it can be.

p.s. as far as that new show goes I will not be watching :)

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