13th letter to Julia

Dear Julia,

I am behind on writing this letter to you.

 I could come up with a million excuses as to why but the truth. 

I just don't want to.

 I know how emotional it will be for me because it means you truly are 13 years old and I am not sure my heart is ready.

 I remember the very first time I met you. three weeks old sitting in a car seat with the biggest smile on your face. I was blown away about how alert you were starring right at me. it was like you somehow already knew me and knew how much you were going to change my life. it's one of those moments I will never forget.  I was terrified but something told you were special. 

it truly seems like yesterday.

these past 13 years have not been easy. 

we both have learned and grown and been hurt and healed so much.

I want more than anything for you to always know that I love you and I care and I am ALWAYS on your side. the next few years will truly test those things but they will never change how I feel about you. I feel so blessed that God and you chose me to do that.

You are the smartest person. 

you inspire me to set goals and fight with everything in me until I achieve them.

You are stunning. 

so effortlessly beautiful.

you have a passion for fairness and equality.

you are quick and a problem solver. 

a fast learner and a hard worker.

you don't put up with anyone treating you less than

you make me so proud

being 100% honest we fight a lot.

 almost everyday sometimes.

we both get so stressed out and put a lot of pressure on each other.

I know there are times you feel like I am being to hard on you or I might be really angry and you question if I even love you. 

The answer is I love you more because I am so hard on you. I stay up late worring about you the most. I second guess myself all the time because I don't have a clue what I am doing. I pray every night that I don't screw you up or casue any serious damage to the way to see yourself. you're learning and so am I. You take up the most of my attention and time right now because I know you need it the most right now. and thats ok. you need to know you are worthy and loved. you are safe and taken care of. you have support and people that will never leave you. I live the rest of my life making sure you know all that. 

yes we have hard days and there will be more to come but I am and always will be the biggest fan of your whole life because you gave real meaning to my life. you taught me how to be a mom.

You gave meaning to your Daddy's life too. He was lost and hurt and at his rock bottom when you came along. you truly are the reason he turned his life around and made him be a man. He never wanted to fail you or give you a life you don't deserve. for no other reason than because you deserve it. you are the reason I fell in love with him. because he wasn't all talk or show. he actually worked and sacrificed and fought and loves being your Dad. None of that has ever went away. I owe you and your sisters owe you for giving the best version of him to us. Without you our family would never have been.

O your sisters!

yes they are annoying. and still so young. yes they still love kiddie shows and silly games. Yes you have out grown all that and roll your eyes when we have to do something that just might embarrass you because well that what little sisters do. But you know you they absolutely adore you. They look up to you so much and desperately want your attention and approval. They want to make you happy and to be just like you. You are their sissy. their first friend and mentor. They sometimes go to you first before me with a question or for advice. please please please don't ever lose sight of how important and wonderful that role is. I tell you more times that I can count That life will give you all kinds of phases of friends, but your sisters will never go away. I am so proud they have you. you are their protector.

I truly look forward to the coming years. yes I know that may come as a shock to you, but I feel now that you are older you're starting to understand things better and know more of who you are and who you want to be. I feel in my bones that although I will never be your friend first, we will have a stronger bond. we will spend hours at night talking about life, dreams, boys, school, goals and hobbies.

 I will always long for those baby days when you would fall asleep on my shoulder, the chubby hand holding mine as we cross the street, the toothless smile, the first time you got glasses, or your pixie cut, your first boy crush on Justin Bieber, the way you climbed trees until it was dangerously too high, the way you begged me to be a chaperone to your field trips, practicing your spelling words, the way you would get excited about doing crafts with me, washing your hair and tying your shoes, zipping up your jackets, buckling up your seat belt, blowing me kisses from the school bus, that little girl giggle.

 

those are all gone. 

I am forever grateful for them all.

it was a beautiful journey and I know without a doubt you will make the next chapter an even more memorable one.

Happy Birthday Baby.

My girl

The Julia

Julia Rose

love, Mom

Christmas card 2017

It's that time of year again!!!!

The time I torture my family for a fun Christmas picture!

This year we got all cozy in our Christmas Jammies and sat on my Christmas decorated Bed and threw feathers at each other!!!

I just love each one of these people

 

My family is the best when it comes to going along with my ideas and letting me play photoshoot every once in a while.

 but this guy........ 

 I know he loves me so because

 we were done with pictures he had changed out of his clothes and started playing his computer game when I had remembered I really wanted some pictures of just us. so he pressed paused put his jammie pants that I made him out of a used table cloth (not perfect or comfy but hey we match!) and posed with no complaints!

 That's how I know I found the one for me :)

 and then of course we had to get one of our baby boy.

Happy Christmas y'all!

I am so happy with how these all turned out.

ordering the cards now and mailing them out ASAP!

Here is the link to all the Christmas cards in the past.....

2016 

.

 all the other years

3rd letter to Hazel

Dear Hazel,

 I have started this letter and then deleted it too many times to count.

nothing I write seems to really explain how special and loved you are.

3 years seems like such a short time to make such a huge impact on someone

 but I am forever changed as a person and mom 

because of you and everything you have taught me so far. 

It is truly a huge honor to be your mother and have a front row seat to watching you grow

Without a doubt you have big plans already in the works for your life.

You wake up with a smile on your face every day.

you walk down the steps and shout "morning mom! I had a good dream about you!"

then after hugs you ask so politely for some "Mellows cereal" (marshmallows)

I admit I only buy that kind of cereal to hear you say "mellows" over and over again. 

it's the sweetest.

Then you watch and make sure your "sisssorss" don't forget coats and lunch boxes before they leave for school.

you pay very close attention to details like that.

when your dad or I am doing our work outs you are always watching, cheering and working out right along side us.

Jerky is your best friend 

whether he likes it or not. 

you will not let a day go by that you don't smother him with hugs and kisses.

you always hold doors open for everyone.

you love to assist with diaper changes on the babysitting babies.

But if I ask you if we can have a baby of our own you are quick to say "NO! I AM THE BABY!"

if its clean up time you are the one that should get a shiny star sticker for biggest helper.

you are a great eater and you always tell me "Thank you for my dinner."

you have to fall asleep with at least 3 books in bed with you but you seem to think every book ONLY says "ABCD'S"

then after tucking you in and turning off the lights you say

 "night mom, I going to have a good dream about you!"

you make my heart melt!

you are feisty and have opinions. 

you have to be included in everything

you're not shy but you are quite.

you watch and take everything in.

you are cautious of who you trust but once someone gains your trust

 you let that sweetness just completely wrap them up and they are willing to walk on fire for you.

you are funny

but if someone is laughing at you, you shut down and they have to earn your trust all over again.

I hope you learn to let your guard down a little more. becasue everyone needs a little Hazel in their lives.

I am not sure if it's because you're the baby in the family or because it's your age or because its you but there are so many times I just look at you

 and I think no one can ever be cuter at life!

  everything you do, yawning, walking, relaxing,brushing hair, putting on shoes, zipping up a coat, sticking your tongue out, seriously it's all just SO CUTE! 

I feel that weird crazy animal mother instinct of wanting to eat your toes because I just can't handle how cute you are!!! 

yeah..

I also admit I am a little goofy but I have to be honest. I am under your spell. so keep doing normal everyday things and know your mom is crazy in love with you and your absolute biggest fan.

 you are not a typical girlie girl. but you don't seemed phased one bit that the things that makes you happy are not at all what other girls do. your favorite color is orange. your favorite toy is your tool box. you are not to crazy about princesses but Clifford the big red dog that's your favorite!

  I have no idea what God has in store for your life. I know whatever it is it's going to be hard work that you will gladly roll up your sleeves and get it done. you inspire me and push me to do what I want to do, no matter what someone else thinks.

you're a breath of fresh air and a perfect hug when needed.

no amount of Thank you's could be said for all the love and help you have given these last 3 years.

Don't ever change.

although knowing you

you wouldn't even think about it anyway.

I like you a lot.

So my sweet Hazelnut

Daddy's Winnie

Hazie

Haze

Hazel Gwendolyn

Happiest 3rd Birthday!

love, Mama

7th letter to Belle

Dear Belle,

your birthday was 4 days ago and I'm a just now writing this because I honestly don't want to.

I don't want you to be 7.

that's too big.

I remember every second, and I mean every second of the day you were born.

7 years seems too long ago to be able to remember every second.

but here we are and I have to force myself to do my mommy duties and write your birthday letter.

I have always said you were my mini me but better, smarter, prettier, funnier, kinder.

I am fascinated with how your brain works

your creativity and instinctive love for art.

it's truly in your blood.

you color every day

you would paint, sculpt, sew, paper mache, draw, build, and other form of art if mom didn't mind the mess.

it's what makes you happy.

it's how you express your thoughts and emotions and dreams.

I sneak little peeks into your notebook under your pillow of all your drawings and I just am blown away at your point of view of the world.

I pray every night you always pursue that amazing talent of yours.

 your humor is so reminiscent of your uncles.

my brothers always have the funniest things to say and they can turn any conversation into a huge belly laugh. I love that you have inherited that from them.

I describe it as very dry and smart but at the same time totally from left field and unexpected.

you know exactly how to lighten the mood and BURN someone without truly hurting their feelings hahahaha

 as much as you are like me 

you have so much from your dad also!

his need for clean and organized and perfection 

you are so particular about your clothes, your art supplies, your handwriting, your room.....well sometimes your room. sometimes I have to remind you to put your laundry away after a week of the basket sitting on the floor!!!

what I love though is out of all your sisters you are without a doubt the biggest daddy's girl. 

he was on a business trip for a week and you cried almost every day.

he still calls you his princess and you wear that title so proudly. I hope you never get embarrassed of that because that just might break his heart if you ever ask him to stop.

 your heart is so big and so caring

you are the second mommy of the house. 

always knowing when to give a hug to your sisters when they need it.

Always giving any help when asked.

Always willing to share everything of yours.

anyone is blessed to call you a friend.

I hope your quietness and shy tendencies don't stop you from making real strong friendships.

becasue you are just the kind of friend this world needs.

 your name means beauty. 

and just like the song on beauty and the beast (yes mom is going to bring that up, be proud of what your named after!!!) your looks have got not parallel!

You are gorgeous!

please please please never dye your hair!!!

never ever ever!!!!

I will probably cry 

but you know that's nothing new, I cry about everything when it comes to you girls.

 You are everything I ever wanted in a daughter and so much more! I just can not thank God enough for you. you are calm, sweet and like a breath of fresh air.

you know exactly how to make our crazy life feel like we can handle everything that's thrown at us.

 you have such a easy smile and once we see it all is right in the world.

Thank you so much for everything you do and everything you are.

I would be lost without you 

and you inspire me to keep going

to remember the important things in life

and to be grateful for every blessing.

I love you so much!

Love,

Mom

5th letter to Stella

Drear Stella,

you made it to your big 5th birthday!
I reread all the letters I wrote to you for the past 5 years and I am so proud to say not much has changed. you are still the happiest bubbly sweetest girl. 

I look at you and just feel so blessed.

 This day 5 years ago was the most intense emotional day of my life. I was so terrified of any health problems but so excited to finally meet you. from the moment I found out I was pregnant with you I felt this extreme bond we had already had. I knew you were a girl, I knew you were going to be a spunky sweetheart. but what I didn't know is how much you would teach me to trust God and really learn to lean on my faith. from the moment the doctor said something was wrong with your ultrasound to even just yesterday when you stepped on a bee, you prove that prayer works. I am so grateful for your lessons and your love of God. it's always so inspiring to hear you pray in the back seat of the car when an ambulance drives by or if the rain might ruin our fun plans. 

The strong bond we have I know is nothing compared to the bond you have with our lord. it's such a privilege to see that.

 you bring so much color and brightness and just ooze happniess every where you go.

you are a wonderful friend to everyone. 

not shy one bit.

it's hard to explain to people why we are choosing to wait on starting school

it's because you are not ready to grow up just yet and I am not going  to rush it.

one more year of you being home sounds perfect to me. 

I promise to make this year a fun filled adventurous year. 

We are going to work hard on getting you prepared for kindergarten but we are also going to spend lots of time enjoying each other.

 You love my little pony...still

your thumb

wearing pj's

being a homebody

your sisters

being a daddy's girl

singing

cowboy boots

cuddling

rainbows

all of your Grandmas

1 on 1 time

making me draw bunnies

AND ketchup on everything.....even pancakes

 You are not a fan of

naps

washing your hair

bees

running errands

letting go of the ladder at grandma's pool

veggies

sharks

and you are extremely accident prone.

I have never met anyone who gets poked in the eye more than you! 

along with every other random slim chances of crazy things to happen to someone it will happen to you someday I am sure of it.

 Stella Jo as another year is over I am sad like I always get because my babies are growing

but you make life so fun I just can't wait to see what you have in store next.

Happy Birthday 

I love you.

love,

 Mom