Monday, May 14, 2012

the day I became a mommy

The day I became a mom was not like most mothers. I wasn't in a hospital, she wasn't something I planned or prepared for. It was after a year of first meeting this little one.
 She was playing in her playpen with her toys. I was doing the dishes. She started getting bored and stood up reaching her chubby arms out to me. "mommy!"
I stopped.
"Sondra's coming Julia."
I just choose to ignore it. I am not her mommy. She is just confused and too young to understand. I tried to explain to Brian that I didn't feel comfortable with her calling me mommy. the last thing I wanted to do was to add to any questions she might have in the future about her real mom. I don't want her to get hurt. But she didn't stop. I would try to correct her and only referred to myself as       'Sondra' but she just would look at me with a funny look on her face and call me mommy again.                
Finally one day I realized she wasn't calling me mommy because she was confused or felt forced to call me anything. She called me mommy because she loved me and felt like I was the mommy figure in her life. If I forced her to stop wouldn't that be like telling her it was not OK to love me that way? and wouldn't that hurt her more in the end ? I couldn't do that so from that point on I became a mommy......

 I can't imagine my life without her! a while ago she played me a song off her Taylor Swift CD called never grow up. she said it reminded her of what I whisper to get her every night before she goes to bed. you can listen to it here.
I got to celebrate Mother's day with all my girls but I can't help but think of her being the one that first made me a mommy because she choose me and it's a job I will always treasure and never take for granted.
 I love you, The Julia!

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