Wednesday, May 13, 2015

why I stopped telling my girls they are BEAUTIFUL

Hazel is bald and like most babies in my family she probably won't have much hair until she's well over a year old.
Someone asked when I was going to just get her ears pierced so strangers can tell she's a girl.
I laughed and was taken back in time to when Julia was 3 years old.
We thought it would be a great birthday present to get her ears pierced.
she screamed and then after a few days ripped the ear rings out and didn't put any back in until THIS YEAR! 
 that whole experience got me thinking.
What kind of message am I teaching my kids by paying money to have them hurt and put a hole in their body because it's pretty? 
Before I had kids and was working I started saving money for a nose job and chin job. I am always so self conscious about my looks and dreamed of what it would be like to have the face I thought was perfect.
Then I become pregnant with Miss Belle and I wondered what if she inherited my nose or chin. what kind of message would I be sending her if I got mine fixed but she was stuck with the ones I thought were ugly?

Julia is turning 10 soon and she's getting more and more interested in her looks. making sure she's wearing the right clothes, her hair is done and constantly pointing out any "pretty" girls on TV or in public. She will try on an outfit and ask me if it makes her look beautiful.
I tell my kids everyday that I think they are beautiful but lately I have been shying away from it.
Do I want my kids to think they only matter if they are beautiful?
That they have to change things to fit in
They have to spend money and physically alter themselves or they are not good enough.
 they will only be loved if they meet the beauty standards.
I want to be intentional in what I teach my kids.
I want them the know they are smart, loved, brave, fun, kind, polite, sweet, cleaver, creative, strong, good and children of God. 
and all these things are what makes them beautiful. 
I talked to my husband about how I never want them to think they can't do something because they don't fit in the mold.
I want them to learn things so they can be independent.
change a tire, balance a check book, use a chain saw, build something, apply for a manager position, negotiate for a pay raise, walk down a dark alley and know how to defend themselves, cook on a grill, and pretty much anything else that might qualify as a "boy's job"
yes my girls are gorgeous.
yes I love to get dressed up and wear make up
yes I want my girls to depend on their husband for support
yes I spend lots of money on my hair 
yes my girls love princess dresses and wearing high heel shoes
no you are not a bad parent if your child has her ears pierced
I just want to give my girls the confidence build up they need to succeed in whatever path they choose.
and that's so much more than beauty.
it's doing what makes you happy because you want to be happy.
my new favorite song 
it makes me teary eye thinking about my girls.

You are so much more than beauty
you are worth everything
you are loved.

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