Sunday, June 20, 2021

being content with right now.

get comfy I have a long story to share.
Let's start at the VERY beginning.
I grew up in a trailer park.
it was actually a fancy trailer park.
we think the developers had in mind it being more of a retirement community.
but they. I am assuming, because of legal reasons they couldn't turn down families.
so we were one of the maybe 7 trailers that children called the park home.
One of the biggest selling points for us was that the park had a pool!
Que every summer from that point on
 I swam from sunrise to sunset.
Fast forward to the birth of Belle. 
My aunt and her children came to visit and meet her. I took some pictures and then was speechless when I noticed in the pictures how tan they were! 
My aunt contributed it to the fact that they basically live at the pool.
I really really wanted to spend my summers making the same kind of memories with my children.
I was so jealous and I actually beat myself up every year we didn't fulfill this goal.
but we didn't have a pool.
we didn't have the money.
Sometimes we would sweet talk a friend to let us swim in their pool or scrambled together enough for a day pass 
but I still just felt like my kids were missing out on a childhood staple.
I know I know this sounds ridiculous and first world problems. 
I just take it very seriously to create the best childhood memories for my kids and this was something I really really wanted.
Maybe you can't relate to this specifically but I know there is something you want to give your children and you will feel like you failed on some level if you don't ever get to provide this specific thing.
Well finally this year it all worked out that we were able to purchase a season pass to the cities largest public pool!!!!
Cincinnati's Coney Island!

Then to top it all off
this weekend
Julia cancelled plans she had with friends and asked if we could all go swimming together for the midnight swim event instead! 
I couldn't say yes fast enough! 
absofreakinglutly we will!
Family time that the teenager asked for!!!!

While dodging cannon balls and holding my breath as children splash freezing cold water on me, a life lesson hit me.

I spent most of my 20's with the mindset of now now now. I would fear that if I had a goal or a desire for my life and it didn't happen right then it wasn't ever going to happen. I would get very discouraged if things didn't work out according to my timeline. I was in a rush. 

Now I realize everything I truly prayed for, worked towards and wanted to badly for actually did happen

 but on God's time.

 Which actually he has the best timing. 

getting married, buying a house, babies, school, Disney, Julia, puppy, and a million more things. 

I see now that having a summer spent at the pool never would have worked before now. toddlers and pools are a recipe for me to have a panic attack. Babysitting for others took up most of our time, financially we didn't have it and my girls swimming skills are now more confident that they don't need me right by their side the entire time.

I still have to fight the feelings of impatience. 

I need to look at the blessings of the stages I am currently in. I need to recognize that each stage is preparing me for the next. God will answer my prayers in a way that is meant to be and it always ends up better than what I wanted.

I want a hobby farm. I want to get a great job teaching, I want to my husband to have more time away from work, I want to become a foster parent, I want to volunteer more, I want to go back to Africa. 

but for now I will be content with having a summer packed of making memories at the pool!


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